God created us as sexual beings to enjoy a physical connection through romance and our sexuality. When sex is used as a tool is not soul satisfying. Soul satisfaction is a satisfaction of a spiritual and emotional connection. In Genesis 4:1, Adam “knew” Eve. Here is a situation established by God that we “know” each other as a necessity for wholeness. David also spoke of “knowing” God many times in the Psalms. “Knowing” in this context is a spiritual, emotional and physical expression also referred to by Jesus and Paul (Gen 2:24, Mark 10:8, Eph 5:31), describing married couples as “one flesh” a sacrificial relationship that is compared to Christ’s relationship to the Church.
When sex is used as a tool such as to create closeness when all hell is breaking loose resulting in flooding, chaos, and total disconnect. When sex is the method of taking from another to calm any anxieties, distress or negative emotions. Unhealthy sex in marriage also occurs when either person’s thinking is not in the present moment; thoughts are not about the moment, worrying about uncontrollable, or thinking stuck in past displeasures. Also, when sex is a way of satisfying any strange cravings that do not cater to the authentic love first created in the relationship, i.e. pornography and other sexual addictions.
1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul reminds us that it is unhealthy for a marriage to be deprived of sex. He states that we do not deprive (deny, withdraw, refuse) each other, except for a time and by mutual consent, so we can devote ourselves to prayer and fasting; but then come together again, so that the enemy may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. To deprive, deny, withdraw or refuse love making from your partner can lead to serious marital issues including infidelity.
(Reference: Laser, M & D, 2017; Online Pornography and the Loss of Marital Intimacy, Christian Counseling Today, Vol 23, No 2)